SJD Interview Part Two

Interview with "George", brother of "John", continued from last post.

How do you feel about homosexuals in general?

In general, I don’t care. I don’t mean that to sound mean or like I’m a terrible person or anything, but basically I guess the thought of what I think of them never really enters my mind. I think it’s so stupid that ‘we’ as a society make such a big deal out of who it is we are permitted to fall in love with or be happy with, I don’t really think it’s anyone’s business but your own. I think that a lot of the laws or whatever that are made to govern marriage and stuff are stupid, because who are we or who is one person to decide what’s best for any one of the rest of us. I like action figures, you want to make some laws about that? With all the problems we have going on in the world, why waste so much time micro managing something like love, or sex, or whatever. And anyway, even if I hated homosexuals, what skin off my nose is it if they get married or are together? It’s not disrupting my daily life, so, so what?

How do you feel about gay marriage?

Again, I don’t. I support it because it’s one of those pathways to potential happiness for people, and I don’t think, in this country at least…you know, for more than two hundred years the United States has claimed to be this bastion of freedoms and liberties. Don’t we invade nations that we feel are limiting the freedoms and liberties of their subjects? Don’t we call governments who restrict their citizenry oppressive or tyrannical? Seems kind of crappy that ours would then turn around and limit the freedoms of its own. I’d like to see them legalize gay marriage everywhere. Legalize. Like it’s against some law to be gay? People talk about like, religious law that prohibits gay marriage and stuff but that’s not law. Religion is a moral way to live a presumably ethical life. If Jesus was gay the religious right would be all over gay marriage and would outlaw heterosexual ones. And the stuff they take to calling it instead of marriage. Gay unions or civil unions or whatever. Like that’s not demeaning. ‘Sorry, you two dudes aren’t good enough to be married, so have a union.’ Is it just me or is it cold in here tonight? Anyway, I support gay marriage pretty much because my girlfriend is a big supporter or it, but personally, I don’t care. I really can’t see a reason as to why it’s justified as being illegal is what I mean, again, I’m not a horrible monster or anything.

Do you know any gay people?

Yep. My uncle is gay, but he lives in California –guess what city—and I never see him. I don’t like him, but it’s because he’s a dick. That he’s gay is like a side note, and doesn’t matter whatsoever in how I think of him. And my brother. My brother is gay.

Well, how did you find out your brother was gay, and how did you feel?

I sort of always knew. I think people always try to use that line, but when you’ve known someone their entire life you notice things about them that often prove to be true. I sort of always knew he was gay but couldn’t put my finger on anything in particular. I found out, I’m ashamed to say and don’t let him know this, but I found out because I opened a drawer of this desk the computer was on and I was looking for something, like a pen or something like that, and I found this paper from like, a gay poetry website or whatever, I don’t remember. And I mean, you know how curiosity is, before I knew what I was doing I lifted that paper and found some Myspace or some shit print out and it was his, like from his site, and it was a conversation or whatever or him and some girl friend from high school and she was saying ‘oh, it’s fine, as long as you’re happy’ blah blah blah. I was all kinds of confused, so naturally, I looked at the next sheet of paper and it was from the poetry site again and it was a reply from some poet I guess thanking my brother for his positive comments on the guys’ poem. I was confused so I closed the drawer. Later, like probably 10 minutes later I opened the drawer again and pulled out a whole stack of that kind of stuff and as I was reading it I slowly realized that my brother was gay and that he came out to friends online and at sites and stuff so I checked the internet history and found all these gay sites. But they were like porn sites. I was pissed, cause he didn’t clear the history. But really I think I was mad because I was snooping through his shit, and I was embarrassed that I did.

When did he come out to you?

Hell, I don’t remember. He sent me a text message from this concert he was playing and it said like ‘great concert! I’m gay!’ and like, I don’t think I’d choose that medium to make such a big announcement. I’m sure he’ll tell you the same thing but I was drunk at the time and I don’t remember saying anything to him whenever we were both home at the same time, I think I got home and passed out cause I had work in the morning. I don’t think we talked about it for a long time. I wasn’t mad at him or anything, but I was still pretty upset with myself for invading his privacy like I did. I thought it was less than ideal that he texted it to me. I guess I imagined like my sister and him and I would be together and he announce it or whatever, like in the movies. Like there’s the Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving dinner with the family sitting around and he’d stand up and say ‘ I have something to say….’ You know. But hell, it’s his life and being gay is his thing, you know? Like it belongs to him, so it’s up to him how he reveals it to people.

How do you feel about him being gay?

Well, he’s my brother. What more is there to say? I’m not trying to be all cutesy and accepting and stuff, I mean that. I told him that. I don’t care who he’s attracted to because he’s my brother and my number one concern is for his happiness. I was scared about him going to school, cause none of us, we’re not like quiet about things we like or, like we’re not casual people. So if we feel something or like something or that we’re real vocal about it. There’s a lot of dumbasses out there and my fear was that he’d get beaten up or something. I still worry when he takes the bus and stuff like some guy will see my brother checking him out and beat him up or something. Oh, sorry, you probably can’t print ‘dumbasses’ in your paper, but I don’t know a nice thing to call those people. Ignorant people. I know it’s a big city and all that but you never know, and for me, when I love someone I can never feel safe enough. Like ever. If he lived in a gays-only community, like Gay Paradise, I’d still worry about if he was in danger, but I’d do that if he was the most straight man in history. I’m just glad he’s happy being him. I’m sure he told you about our dad, and how he thinks dad would have disowned him or something. I really disagree with that. Dad might have been upset but he was old fashioned you know? He wanted all of us to grow up and be the people in that Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving painting. Like with families and success and all that normal stuff. But dad would have gotten over it and remembered that he was his son, and that was what’s important. But that must have been so tough. Hiding that, like if dad didn’t die when he did what would my brother have done? Could you keep that kind of thing hidden for who knows how long? I couldn’t.