SJ Doc. Project.

I interview my mother, Marlaine, about her divorce. She is 49 years-old and has three children (my 2 brothers and I). She officially divorced in October 2007. The divorce was filed in June 2005. It was a long fight and not an easy divorce, the kind no one particulary wants.

What’s it like to be working two jobs?
It’s hard to work two jobs and maintain a normal life and keep up with other things. When I’m done with work all I want to do is relax. Sometimes I feel like I can’t do it anymore. House chores are a whole separate job. I do hope that one day all I have to do is work one job, and that’s all I can do is hope that everything works out soon.

How much do you make and how many hours do you work at each of your jobs?
My full time job at CPS [customer service] I only make $13.20 an hour which is only like $26,000 a year. That’s why I had to get a second job at Kohls; there I only make $8.33 an hour, which is $3,600 a year. At CPS I work 40 hours a week and at kohls its ranges from 10-15 hours a week.

What’s your opinion on the government and collecting child support?
It’s a vicious circle. You can’t get your child support. The fact someone can go in and lie about being unemployed it horrible. And the judges buy it. Being self employed your wages can’t be garnished. They say they support people who collect it but they don’t. I have to take of work so much just to go into court and try and get money. Meanwhile, I’m losing money by taking off work. I’ve used all my vacation days the past two years to do this.

How much money in child support have you not received?
I haven’t received over $9,000. The last payment he made was July 31st 2008, but that was a behind payment from probably November 2007. When we go to court the judge is told that he has no work supposedly. The judge believes it more recently because the economy is so bad

Do you feel a lot of stress?
Definitely, working two jobs is difficult, but I don’t have any other choice. I need to make the mortgage, even though that is still hard, even with two jobs. If I was getting child support it would be much easier. We cannot even sell the house because it’s in poor condition so fixing up the house and worrying about that puts even more stress on me.

What’s the most frustrating thing?
I seem to be the only responsible adult. It’s like I’m dealing with a child rather than another adult. Also do a lot of the paperwork myself to try and help the processes, but it still doesn’t make a difference.

Were you ever against divorce?
No, but you should try everything possible, you need an option though if everything fails, I took my vows seriously.

Did you try counseling, if so how long?
Yes, at least a year

Why didn’t it work?
Because it made me realize I cannot take ownership for someone else’s mistakes.

Why didn’t you have a fault divorce?
Because it costs too much and its more difficult, I would’ve had to proven everything he did wrong. It wouldn’t have a baring on the outcome either so it really wasn’t worth the extra time and energy.

When did it get really hard to keep the anger and tension out of the house?
After I was diagnosed with cancer and I had my surgery.

How did staying together for the children affect your health?
It makes it worse because there’s too much stress and it’s not good for you. They say it’s bad for the children to have the anger and tension, but it’s also bad for the parents.

Do you think your diagnoses with cancer had an impact on your divorce?
Yes, it made me realize life is too short and I have to live my life for me and not for someone else. I first thought that God let me live to make him better and make our marriage work. But I actually saw that it was to make me whole. I had to search for the meaning of why my life was saved. The whole situation really opened my eyes.