Oral History-Interview

I interviewed my friend's mother. Her name is Graciela Shorey, 50, and she immigrated from Belize to the United States about ten years ago. After moving here she got a divorce from her husband who was back in Belize, and remarried. Graciela has been happily married for the past five years and has two teenage daughters from her first marriage.



Was life simpler during your childhood?
-Yes it was, compared to this time now in which we’re living. It was much better, I guess, because we had the freedom to play outside without the scare of being kidnapped. We use to play with all the kids in the neighborhood; although I come from a very small country that is much different than living here in the U.S. We use to play at night outside, our parents were not concerned about our safety because there was nothing bad happening and we enjoyed our childhood. So I sometimes feel nostalgic and sorry to see that my grandkids are not growing in an era that was like mine. They don’t have the childhood that I have; it was much more fun to be doing hula hoop, playing hop scotch, playing cans outside, pretending that they were our instruments making noise in the neighborhood. The neighbors had their windows open, their doors open. We would sleep without having to worry if we locked the doors or windows. We didn’t have to worry about the cops not being around like now. So, it was much better.

Can you describe what it was like coming from a fairly large family?
-It was very interesting to be part of seven kids because even though there was a lot of fighting going on, it was fun to be around brothers and sisters. It felt like there was always a party going on at my house. At bed time our dad always had to come scold us or wag us with his hands because even though we had lots of bed rooms in our house, every one wanted to be together in one bedroom until we really got sleepy. So, we would start playing then we would end up fighting. That is when he would come because everybody is screaming for “dad” “mom”. So he had to get up and send every one to their bed rooms. That is one of my most cherished memories as a little girl. I enjoyed having lots of sisters and brothers.

Would you say you lived in poverty or not?
-I wouldn’t say that I come from a poor family because I knew people that were a little worst, or didn’t live in the conditions that we lived in. I was one from a lucky family that was able to get a house that was safe against the hurricane. My country has hurricanes so the government would help build houses for the families that needed them, and my dad was a lucky one that got this house so, we had the opportunity to have a bathroom inside of our house, while other people did not. They had toilets outside: its like a little house, it has a bench with 2 big holes, and a little one. The big ones are for the adults, and the little ones for the kids. We didn’t have these in other parts of the country. We had those because we were the ones with the danger of the hurricane; we had these nice houses. Other people had to build their houses on their own, the ones that were not threatened by hurricanes. So I guess that our style of living was much better than a lot of peoples. When we visited our grandparents we suffered because we had to go to those toilets that had roaches inside. So I didn’t like those, because you’re scared that while your sitting there a roach would come to sting you or walk on top of you. So that was something that I always considered that we were not poor; that we were privileged because we had water in our houses, inside. And other people did not, they had wells; they had little thatch houses, which we didn’t have. We had board, lumber, and tin roofs. We had very nice treats, nice lights in our communities compared to other people that they didn’t even have paved streets. They were just something that is called marl, so when the traffic is passing by the dust would come; when the rain would be pouring it would turn into mud. We didn’t have that, because we lived in front of the highway that is also the international high way that travels through all of the country. So we were very privileged. We lived in a town that is like 20 miles away from the border to the northern side with Mexico. So it was a very nice town. I felt privileged.

So when would you say life became more complicated for you as you were growing up?
-Life became a little more complicated when I became a teenager and I started to think about boyfriends, or should I say boyfriend; because I had only one in my life. The culture was different, so your parents would teach you that the first boyfriend you have, you have to get married to him. They would even give you a time table or a time frame for the couple to decide when they want to get married. Maybe they were able to get a little extension. So I couldn’t think about going to high school because those parents didn’t believe that high school was suppose to be for girls, but just for boys. The girls all they had to do was to learn how to cook and do laundry and ironing and cleaning the house; take care of kids. So from young that was my belief that I had to do these things for my family. So that’s when life started to get a little more complicated. I got married very young. I was just sixteen when I got married. We started a family and had to budget the little earnings that my ex-husband earned. Then the kids started to come; I just had two kids. That was not so bad. To raise a family was the best thing that could have happened to me. But the bad part is that, like I said before, the men in the Hispanic culture behave very uncivilized, I think. Because they believe the women don’t have the same rights as men. They believe that women as are loose if they behave like a man. Only a man can do things outside a marriage. And a woman has the obligation to forgive them. Women could never do anything because the men would never forgive a woman that cheats. So that’s when I started to see life being very complicated, because you get to see your husband going out early at night, not returning until wee hours of the morning. And then you say well this is life; you don’t like it, that’s the complication. But you have to accept it, and that is very hard so that was the most difficult part of my life. To the extreme that I could not stand it anymore and finally I had to divorce my husband, because of the things he did. Which were more than extreme, badly behaved. I decided to divorce him and his family supported me in all my decisions. That is how I ended up here in this country. I might have had everything a person needs at home, not rich, but comfortable. You have a car, money to live comfortably. But then you don’t have the respect of the man that you know should respect you. When I was young, there was no TV. in the country that would show us that women should deserve respect. Once the country started to receive television through satellite we started to see all these programs. All these psychologists and therapists that say how a woman is suppose to be treated. We started to see how mistaken we are, we are not suppose to tolerate these things. So one tries to make life better for one and the kids also.

So after moving to this country, do you believe many of your views have changed about the world and life?
-Yes it has, in many ways, especially living in a big city. I miss my country. I miss the interaction with people. In my country when we were walking down the street and we would meet who ever, we would always greet them. If it was morning we would say good morning, good evening, goodnight with a smile. We would actually make eye contact, which I noticed when I first came here. I would walk down the street and say good morning and be completely ignored. I started to feel this pain in my chest and a lump in my throat, because I was not expecting this from people in a city. I thought they would be the same as in my country. We were raised to be that way with people. To greet everyone, strangers, or people we knew. And to find out that you’re living in a city where it’s like, you’re walking in between zombies. I felt they were zombies. I was like “oh my god, will I have to be dealing with this everyday”. Some people are nice, and greet back. But some people just ignore, and that is very painful coming from a place like I described before. So those are some of the changes that I really don’t like and I miss from my country. I wish people would be better, because in a city one should be much nicer; especially cities that are visited by tourists all around the world. People should be sweet, not really interacting to the level where you might compromise yourself. But just be friendly, greeting people on the way through the streets. when you’re living in a city. Life is so fast, I say fast, because everything is like in a hurry. I guess that’s why people get stressed out. Because you have to go out and drive in between so much traffic and people are walking down the street on their phone and believe you have to wait for them to cross the street. They aren’t even worrying about the car that is coming. They just take their time. That is disgusting to me, to see people on their phones. I say I wish they would have never invented cells. I guess in a way its good, but if people would know to use it for the purpose it was probably invented. But people here are driving on their phones. Even kids now days are on their phones. Well even my country is like that now, because when I call back home its like everybody has a cell. At least there isn’t as much traffic as in a city, so at least they can take their time than we can here. Here the day goes by without you accomplishing a lot of things, if you just step out of your house. That is why I like staying in doors, I mean I don’t like going out because I feel my energy was wasted in things I did not enjoy.

So would you say that these different influences have changed the way you are raising your daughter?
-I guess so, and it makes me scared. It makes me scared because it is so much different than when I was young. Like I said before, my parents would never let me out by myself or worst with my boyfriend. They always had a chaperone for me. If they weren’t there, they always sent a brother or a sister with me. They always took good care of us. There was no television. All those movies are so gross now. Every channel has a lot of adult content in it, and I guess that is what makes the teenagers more exposed to that sexual activity that is going on. I can’t cope with that yet. It will take me a while to be able to cope with that especially when you are raised the way I was raised. And I feel scared that my daughter would go sometimes with somebody I don’t even know. And that something might happen to her. Especially watching all these movies about girls that go out and never make it back home because they were killed. I always tell me daughter to be careful. I want to know the name, phone number, and address should in case something would happen to her because I would like to know with whom she went out. So should in case something happen to her at least I would be able to tell the cops with whom she went out. She sometimes doesn’t want to tell me. She says “oh mom, he’s not a boyfriend”, but I’ve been watching movies that sometimes it was just a friend and they raped the girl. I just wouldn’t want something bad to happen to my daughter. And then not having more brothers and sister makes it difficult for me to send someone with her. And they neighborhoods where she sometimes goes out are always my concern. It’s true that when something can happen, it can happen anywhere but if you go to a place that is dangerous it’s like you’re asking of something to happen. So I think that my views are changing. I know that I have to understand that there is a difference from 40 yrs ago but its still hard for me to accept and see things they way my daughter would like for me to see it.

So in your opinion, what lifestyle did you consider better? The one in your country or the one here?
-100% the one in my country in Belize. Even though the dad was never a role model or men are not role models. But I guess women are also trying to fight for their rights and the respect they deserve. But raising kids there was much better. But as I’ve said before even in my country the life style has changed. Everybody is trying to be like America. They copy everything that they see on the TV, the styles, the way of behaving. I guess that even in my country it would be challenging at this time. I am aware that things cannot be the way they were in those times. So I guess even there I would have difficulty raising kids. But I wish it would be like when I was a kid. That was much better to raise kids.

So it’s not the country it’s the time?
-The era. It’s not the country because there was no TV to show the lifestyle of the U.S. We just listened to the radio. We listened to beautiful songs that were English songs. I would listen to Neal diamond, to a lot of singers that are around. You had to use your imagination. You had to use it every time you listened to the songs because you couldn’t even picture how the singers looked. So it was like you hear the voice, you love it, so you use your imagination to imagine what they were trying to say in their songs. There were lots of romantic singers in those times. So the time is much different. The kids are exposed to too much violence in those movies, so I think that the kids before where not exposed to these things so it was better.