Oral History

After marriage, women in some parts of the world are treated badly by her in-laws. She works all day, doing all the household works and fulfilling her duties. In spite of doing that she is treated badly by her family members. I interviewed my aunt named Nita. She is from India and she has been in the United States since last two years. She is 40 years old. She is married and has three children. In India, in some parts, joint families are more preferable over the nuclear families.
I asked her if she has faced any injustice in her life. She said that she had faced but that was after her marriage. After few days of her marriage, her mother-in-law and sister-in-law were very mean to her. My aunt used to make meal for breakfast, lunch and dinner for 15 people everyday and that also taking care of what each person likes. She used to fulfill every responsibility that an ideal daughter-in-law is expected to do. Her husband and her father-in-law were the only people who used to behave in a good way with her and praised her for her work. While her other in-laws used to find any fault even if her work was good. Her mother-in-law used to say “What have you done, Nita? Don’t you know anything? You are useless.”
The main problem was that she did not tell about this bad treatment done to her to her parents because she did not want to give them any trouble. She used to discuss her problems with her husband but he was not ready to go against his mother because he does not want to hurt his mother in any way, to fulfill the duty of being a good son. So, he used to tell her to try to adjust with his mother. He told her that “It is her responsibility to take care of his parents and for him his parents come first than anything else.” She did not argued with him as she knew it was not going to work. She told me that “It is not that I want him to hate and disrespect his parents. I did not want that. I just want to get the love from my family members. That’s all I need it.” Thus, basically there was no one with whom she can share her problems and try to find any solutions.
She tried all the possible ways to make her in-laws happy. Whenever she went for shopping, she used to buy gifts for her in-laws too, thinking that they will like it. She often used to give her dresses which her sister-in-law liked to her, thinking that she is like her sister. But still what she got from them is criticism. She used to think that “What did I do to them that I got this treatment from them?’’
She also said that “There is no occasion at my parent’s house that I attended before crying. My mother-in-law always created any problem before I had to leave for the occasion.” Sometimes, her mother-in-law said bad words about her parents that they did not teach their daughter how to take care of in-laws. My aunt was still able to tolerate bad words about her but was deeply hurt when they said such things about her parents. She was so stuck that she didn’t knew what to do. She used to think that “They are doing this bad treatment to me to show that they have power.” Even her children, who were her mother-in-law’s grandchildren, did not get the affection they should get from their grandmother because they were her children. After tolerating that for 14 years, she, her husband and their children got separated from their in-laws. She says that “My husband stood by me because he had to as it was not possible for me to tolerate this anymore.” Even after they got separated, her mother-in-law used to spy on her activities as they used to live nearby. After some years her mother-in -law died. Finally she says that “I wish that I had got the love from my in-laws which I deserved and was treated as the daughter of the family.”
Thus, there are many women in the world that are powerless like my aunt that are treated badly by their in-laws.