oral history report

For my Oral History Report I have chosen to interview my friend Ricardo Perez. Rick is a twenty-eight year old soldier who has spent sometime serving in IRAQ. He tells of his experiences with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as he lives a normal life here at home.

Rick does not like to talk about his experiences in Iraq, he tends to avoid the topic when I ask him questions. Finally he agreed to do a section of an interview for me.

How do you feel about the time you spent at war?

I do not like to talk too much about it, to me it was a personal experience that I am not able to share with a lot of people. Talking about my experiences is for my family, close friends and my councelor. My mother always tells me that I am special. I am special because I have these experiences that no one else will understand. My mother always says "Ricky we do not understand what you are going through because we were not there to experience it. You are special because you are the only one who feels it and we can not relate."

What types of symptoms of PTSD do you have?

I find myself waking up in cold sweats. I wake up and the room is comepletely dark I jump up as if something is there, then I take a deep breath and relax myself. I could never fully relax, I have a lot of anxieties that drive me. I can not even relax because i hav a constant need to look over my shoulder or be ready for the upcoming event. My nightmares are vivid and I tend to turn alot in my sleep. I am currently on medication to help with my anxieties and depression. I find myself very depressed often and have to raise my dosage of medication.

What happens when you are depressed, how do you react?

I don't want to get out of bed, and this is not a gradual process. I wake up one day totally depressed when i was fine the day before. I don't want to get out of bed but I don't want to stay in bed either. I can not physically get up but i have anxieties about staying in bed. I feel like I want to jump out of my skin, jump out of bed. I cry too, I feel very sad and emotional. I have no appetiate and do not eat. This goes on for days at a time on occation it is a couple of weeks.

What helps you in these times?

The medication, I usually have to raise my dosage. Talking helps to but only to my counselor. I only talk to him about this, I am not comfortable talking to others.

How do you move forward?

I do not know really. Each day gets better, as if when each day passes I get further from the experiences. The memories are still there though, I can not get passed those. Those memories stick in your head. You see people dying everywhere, your friends, civilians. My two best friends have died in duty. To be there and witness that is not something that just goes away.

Rick continues the interview but begins to fade out. He seems to get anxious of the subject and I begin to lose his interest in talking about it.He seems very vague and somewhat cuts the interview short. I asked him the question of if he is proud of their fight, if the fight is deserved and he avoids the question/subject all together. He is ready to end the interview and move onto another subject.

Posted by Mary Gomulka