The Store Bought Zero.

Dear Colonel......

Carolyn just arrived to my office and I have to ask you just one simple question, Where DID you buy your medals, ribbons and rank? How did you ever rise to the ranks? It’s no wonder why the French are laughing and have no respect for you, THE FRENCH!!!! Who gets laughed at by the French? I understand you’re a Colonel, but it seems that you’ve been out of the loop for a very long time. I mean, a bag of ears, how childish is that? What are you going to do next, chop off their pinky toes? You have your daughter filing her nails, your boy going out to party; you have puppy dogs licking themselves around the house? You have some poet making you into some kind of Shakespeare. A Certain word comes to mind, buffoonery. You want to strike fear into your people’s hearts take a page out of out books. Water boarding seems very popular with our dogs, electric shock, and their living quarters have to be miserable. I do have to admit that I admire the broken bottles on the floor, but in your house, that’s just stupid. Put the broken bottles where the dogs live, in their kennels. Just look at where we keep our dogs;

I mean, you’ve seen what we’ve brought to Iraq and I’m sure you’ve heard what’s “not” going on in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. By you cutting off their ears all you’re doing is having them NOT listen to you. You can yell all you want, but they won’t be able to hear you, but I guess that’s the kind of leadership you get from a “Zero”.

I would like to offer my help, along with my team, and show you some techniques, some tactics, some new forms of “fun” if you will. The U.S. might not be the power house it used to be, but I guara-damn-tee that we’re still the power house when it comes to our specialties, no one even comes close, and for those that do come close, where do you think they trained? I know that together we can get whatever you want accomplished with little to no resistance, this I guarantee. Just have your people contact my people, we’ll set something up, a meeting at a neutral place and we’ll that it from there. I’ve written this letter not so much to bash you, but because I think we want the same thing in life, in out countries, for our countries, and together we will make it happen.

Your hope to be comrade, Sgt. Corral, SOCOM

P.S. I would like to take this opportunity to say that in no way, shape or form does this "letter" expose any true feelings about my country. It's all fictional (well 99 percent of what I wrote to the Colonel is not true, but there's always that one percent that's true. After all, my ideas did have to come from somewhere). And to answer any questions, that's Camp X-Ray, where the prisoners where first kept by the Marines, and yes, they do look like dog kennels.