Creative Response

Dear Stan Lenard,
After reading your interview I can honestly say that I feel like I have a piece of you with me. You just seem so lost. Like you don’t know where you stand in the world. The worst part is that you have nobody that you can turn to. I can understand why you think your family won’t accept you for being a homosexual. I’m not going to say that you’re not different because you are. I know you are, and you know that you are. Then again so am I, so is my neighbor, and so is the robot that human minds have yet to create. But being different isn’t a bad thing. Actually it’s a pretty great thing. I have no idea when people even decided that being different was a bad thing. No matter what there is nobody in this world who is exactly alike. Being homosexual isn’t a flaw. It’s who are. I know that it’s hard telling people who you know and love. Like your family for example. In the movie Prayers for Bobby, Bobby told his family and they tried to cure him. Like being homosexual was something that somebody can catch. Eventually, he just felt so lonely that he committed suicide. It’s a true story. I’m probably not making you feel any better. In no way am I trying to put suicide in your mind. But I guess I just want to make my point clear that I know why you don’t want to tell your parents. It’s easier to tell somebody you don’t know because at least there’s a great chance that you’ll never have to see them again.
I can completely relate to feeling like you never fit in anywhere. When you mention going out to the bars. You go to a straight bar people look at you funny then you go to a gay bar and people aren’t being real. All you want to do is find a place where you can be yourself, have fun, and be around people who are not cruel or act non human. I think all of us want to have a place like that. It’s hard to find that place because it always feels like eyes are watching you. Well at least that’s how I feel. Even doing normal things like going clothes shopping. Certain stores that I like going to the people working there always look at me like I came from a foreign country.
When you mentioned how people today are afraid to have feelings. I think that was the part where I felt connected to you the most. I like the fact that you include yourself in this because now it doesn’t make me afraid to include myself in this as well. I don’t like showing weakness to anybody. I feel like no matter what I have to carry whatever the world gives me without any complaint. I can’t even cry without hating myself for doing it later. My breakdowns are always bad. Like I said it’s not good to hold things in. But how can you not? Especially when it feels like no matter where you go people are judging you in some way. You said maybe being afraid to have feelings is why you can’t accept anybody in your life. Guess what? You’re right. I can’t think of one relationship that I have in my life (romantic, friendships, family) that is completely right. Most of the people that I keep close to me know that I’m there and that they could always count on me to be there for them, but it’s not a two way street. I just can’t let them in. I can’t let them in because I’m afraid that they’ll see what’s broken or that they’ll see me break and I just can’t have that. So I put on this disguise that hides it for me. I let my shadow hold it for me so that I don’t have to walk out with everything on my back. I want to find a place where I can escape everything but it’s hard. I don’t want to be like this and I am trying to open up, but you can only take it a little step at a time. So for now stuck and all I can do is “bleed in silence.”
I hope that in your life you find somebody that you make a connection with: gay, straight, purple, blue, alien, or robot. It doesn’t matter just somebody that you could talk to, be yourself around, and that you’re not afraid to let into your life. I hope you can find a place that you feel comfortable in. I hope that you can come out to your family one day as well. Most of all I hope that one day you find something or somebody that fills that loneliness in your life so that you don’t feel lonely anymore. I’m sorry that I’ll never get to meet you, but reading your interview I feel like I’ve connected with you on so many levels. So my heart will forever go out to you Stan Lenard.

With All My Love,
JustListen07