Seperate Lives

Jennifer Aguirre, 34


Growing up the daughter of a father in the Coast Guard,
moving from place to place and never having a real family
at home to call her own.

Tell me something special that you remember about your childhood?
Ooh, special, um well a few things pop into my head, I remember the very first time I ever ate all my dinner which was a major accomplishment. Um, going on trips with my aunt because she used to go everywhere fun, she went to all the amusement parks, and my parents never took us on vacations. We would always spend some time every summer at my grandma’s house. Like two or three weeks, no matter where we lived and that was like the best time ever. She had different kinds of cereals, ice cream, pop, everything we never got at home, I just loved being there. It was like the feeling of a real family, you no, they would pop popcorn we’d watched a movie on TV because you know it was before we had blockbuster or anything. So um, yeah I loved it there; those were my favorite memories just being at my grandma’s house.

You said it was like a real family so how was your family?
Well at the time I didn’t no but my parents were big Pot heads and so um, we were never allowed in the living room. My dad was in the coast guard so his schedule was always weird so like times that he was around we would eat dinner together but that was it. We were never allowed in the living room with them to watch TV, we always had to do our own thing either go to our room and play, go outside or whatever and I never understood that, I thought that was normal but you no we never did things as a family. Later on I found out that they would be smoking weed and they didn’t want us around. My mom was a house wife, you no, I mean that’s whatever so like in the summer we didn’t have an option to stay in we had to go out so I just got used to doing stuff on my own. I would play with my friends, whatever friends I had because we were always moving um or just play with barbie’s in my room. We didn’t have a lot of interaction with them it was more like they were a couple and there were these two kids around, you know. I never felt that family feel because we never did anything together, now at my grandma’s house we did, everybody would sit in the living room and we could sit where ever we wanted. They had a special Wednesday night movie and they would pop huge things of popcorn and everyone would sit together and that’s how they were. If it wasn’t for my grandma’s house I wouldn’t know the difference, but because I had that, I knew how I felt over there and I knew how I felt over here and as you get older you start to see things and you think, yeah that’s not how a family should be.

How did that difference affect your relationship with your parents?
Well there was really nothing I could do to change things, that was just how it was. Sometimes it frustrated me, and I always felt like, well uncomfortable, you no what I mean, and I hated that and I would say stuff but it wouldn’t change anything. It was what it was! So I guess at one point you kind of just accept it because you have to. I remember when he bought us our own little black and white TV’s for our rooms and he was so happy the cashier forgot to ring one of them up so he kind of got a deal. But I think that separated us even more, so it was good and bad.

Is there anything in your childhood that you were happy with?
When I think about that for some reason my dad is probably the most prominent figure that pops into my head, he was the most outgoing, always willing to help, he was very smart but got kicked out of High school and he flunked the 2nd grade, he didn’t know how to read until he got with the Coast Guard and they taught him, he was the worst speller ever but he was really good with machines, I appreciated a lot of things about him and I wanted to make him proud of me. He was also funny and almost always at funerals. I feel compelled to say something about my mom, she’s my mom, you know, well you definitely don’t realize how hard they have it until you actually do it yourself and I don’t think I gave her enough credit, but yeah it is hard.

So what was your relationship like with your mom?
I would generalize it as being not very affectionate, I don’t remember hugs and kisses, I think that’s why I over compensate now. I’m constantly kissing Sofia, hugging them making sure I kiss them good night, because I didn’t have that. On the flip side I could be very distant, I can easily have them doing there own thing and I can be in the other room reading but, I catch myself now because I’m more aware of it now and I say no that’s not the way its supposed to be. Um, I feel like I’m putting my mom down but for some reason but she doesn’t stand out or maybe it’s because she was more behind the scenes but that deserves credit to. But there was no affection, there was no talking, not a lot of interaction and she really only did things with my dad because she couldn’t drive.

Was your parent’s relationship ever negative with each other?
Oh yeah! They had their fights, absolutely, but it was more in spurts, you see what I’m saying, you gotta remember, my dad was in the Coast Guard so he wasn’t around a lot. There was a time when he was in Alaska for like a year and another time in Hawaii so there was some time when they weren’t together. Um, but when he was here he would work these grave yard shifts, I do remember there was a chunk of time when he was in Alaska, that I don’t know what happened I just know what I heard and I think she was cheating on him because they were really fighting, there was another time when he was finally out of the Coast Guard and we had finally moved back to Chicago. We were living with my grandma and we finally got our own apartment, I don’t know what they were fighting about but he hit her a few times. It would get that heated; I remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach, OH MY GOD! I was terrified. It never happened before and never happened after but it was just weird. I mean for the most part it was just the two of them maybe because they new each other there whole lives and especially my mom not working or doing anything he was her life, they were very close and very much alike.

When did u finally move out on your own?
Um, well, let me see, when I got kicked out, me and my dad had a fight over like 20 bucks, go figure. I was about twenty or twenty-one years old and I was living with my parents; I had my own room, my parents had their room and my brother converted the dinning room into his room and his girlfriend lived there too, at this point I was going to school and working and my brother wasn’t doing jack. He had a job at Wendy’s and got fired but his girlfriend worked. It was a basement apartment, very small and the rent got raised and we paid rent to my dad so he wanted to raise our rent. But he was trying to raise mine more then theirs and the difference was $20 but I was upset because of the principal of the thing. I was like theirs one of me and two of them and my dad was like well your brother’s not working and she doesn’t make that much money. I said why is that my fault, I’m never here and I don’t use a lot of electricity and they do so I don’t see why I should pay more. He said well if you don’t like it then get out so fine I got out. I stayed with my boyfriend’s sister in a one room studio with her, her other sister and her sister’s new born baby and me; we were all on the floor. I almost went back to my parents, I brought my stuff and I remember being in the bathroom when I realized they only wanted me back for the money so I never came back. I dropped out of school and got a new job because I had to work more for the money. All over 20 bucks!

Do you think your parents loved you?
I think, I did more logically then I did emotionally, like it’s only logical to think that of course they loved me. But when I think of them that feeling you’re supposed to get, I don’t get that, its almost like they had to because their my parents. I never really got much discipline but one time my dad did actually punish me for something so I know they cared.